i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
BRING THE BAGELS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
