2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
