Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
