Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
