she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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