ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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