she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
