I got chris browned last night
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
