If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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