Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
