Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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