is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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