i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
should my penis look like a turkey
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
