...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
