Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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