I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
