i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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