Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need water and some morals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
