Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
