I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize