You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
