I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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