He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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