at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
