i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
