I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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