Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
