Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize