Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
