your room smells of hookers.
And success
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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