My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
