guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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