Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
