He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
