alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
