I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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