There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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