my phone needs a breathalizer
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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