is your mom at the bar?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
