Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
