After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
