i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
