Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
