did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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