when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
