sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
