Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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