I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
