dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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