If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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