So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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