The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
