true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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