I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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