Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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