Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
