so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
