How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize