Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
