Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize