I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
