hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
