cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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